Cooking with the Blonde and the Brainless
by Fae'sFlower
Summary: Elphaba teaches, or tries to teach, Fiyero and Galinda how to cook. What could possibly go wrong? Fiyeraba. Gelphie friendship. Shiz-era. Oneshot. For terahteapot. (Answers to the final 'Nias' of 'Blind Ambition' in AN)


**Hello, all. This one-shot is for terahteapot, who correctly guessed the first of the final 'Nias' in Blind Ambition. The first Nia was from 'The Lion King' ("Before sunrise, he's your son"). The second Nia was from the Disney Channel show 'Good Luck Charlie' ("Did you eat it?")**

**Now, there is little 'Hannah Montana' reference in here. See if you can find it. It's not a 'Nia', but still see if you can spot it.**

* * *

><p>"Oh, Elphie, how hard can this be?" Galinda asked as she set a bowl and mixing spoon on the table.<p>

"Very hard if you don't know what you're doing… which you don't," Elphaba said, reading the ingredients list.

"Fae, how hard can it be to cook a cake?" Fiyero asked.

"First of all, you don't 'cook' a cake. You 'bake' a cake," Elphaba sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

"Same difference," Fiyero huffed, getting a measuring cup.

Elphaba rolled her eyes and got out the rest of the ingredients. Out of all the people to be pared with for her Home Economics project, she _had_ to be paired with Galinda and Fiyero, and though she loved them with all her heart, the couldn't cook… at all.

"What do we do first?" Fiyero asked once everything was out.

"Wash our hands," Elphaba said, heading towards the sink.

Once their hands were clean, Elphaba started to help Galinda was her lasagna, giving Fiyero strict orders to stay put and not touch anything.

"Fae, what do you think I'll do?" Fiyero asked. "Set something on fire?"

"Yes," Elphaba said seriously, narrowing her eyes at the prince.

"One time! That was _one_ time, Fae," Fiyero pouted.

"And you were melting butter. Explain that," Elphaba retorted.

Fiyero stuck his tongue out at Elphaba and sat down, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest like a child. Elphaba giggled before walking over to her boyfriend and lightly kissing his nose. "Good boy," she cooed, patting Fiyero's head.

"Very funny," Fiyero deadpanned.

"Elphie!" Galinda shrilled, wondering what was taking her best friend so long.

"Coming, Glin!" Elphaba called, laughing as she hurried over to the blonde.

While Galinda's sauce was boiling, Elphaba started to help Fiyero with his chocolate cake.

"So, we put in the milk, flower, sugar, salt and vanilla. Now, we need three eggs," Elphaba said, reading from the recipe book.

"One… two… three…" Fiyero counted as he plopped the eggs into the bowl, looking immensely proud of himself.

Elphaba stared at the bowl before smacking her palm against her forehead. "Fiyero…" she said as she slowly slid her hand down the center of her face.

"Yeah?"

"You're supposed to _break_ the eggs, fool!" Elphaba sighed as she used a spoon to scoop out the eggs and cracked them along the side of the bowl.

"Oh… whoops," Fiyero said, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."

Elphaba sighed as she mixed in the chocolate into the batter and handed Fiyero the spoon. "You think you can do this?"

"Fae, really. It's just mixing the batter. How hard can it be?" Fiyero said as he grabbed the spoon.

"With you… I wouldn't be surprised," Elphaba muttered.

"Hey!" Fiyero grabbed Elphaba's wrist and pulled her closer to him. Smirking slightly, he leaned forward and passionately kissed his girlfriend.

"What was that for?" Elphaba asked once they pulled away.

"Just because I love you," Fiyero smiled, his breath mixing with hers.

"Elphie! Is the sauce supposed to be bubbling over the sides like this?" Galinda shouted.

"Sweet Oz!" Elphaba bolted away towards Galinda and turned the stove off. Sighing, she uncovered the stove and took a deep breath. "Okay, did you put the lasagna in the water to cook?" she asked once her lungs had regained air.

"Yup!" Galinda said proudly, uncovering the pot with the pasta in question boiling inside.

"Good," Elphaba smiled, relaxing, turning off the boiling pasta and covering it with the sauce. "Fiyero, are you done mixing yet?"

"All done," Fiyero smiled as he carried the cake batter-covered spoon over to Elphaba. "Taste this."

"Fiyero, we're not supposed to…"

Fiyero shoved the spoon into Elphaba's opened mouth. The green girl stumbled back, moaning in surprise, but relaxed as the chocolate batter covered her taste buds.

"Gotcha!" Fiyero smirked.

Elphaba pulled the spoon out of her mouth and placed it in the sink before searching for a new spoon. "Is the cake ready to go into the oven?" she called, locating a new wooden spoon.

"I already put it in," Fiyero said proudly.

Elphaba turned around and raised an incredulous eyebrow. "You set the oven to…"

"350 degrees fahrenheit, just like you said."

"Oh."

"Aren't you gonna say that you're proud of me?"

"I will if you don't burn the kitchen down."

Fiyero pouted and stubbornly crossed his arm over his chest like a child. Elphaba rolled her eyes and placed a quick kiss on Fiyero's cheek. "Will that hold you over until later?"

"No," Fiyero pouted.

"Well, it'll have to," Elphaba chuckled, turning back to help Galinda.

The green girl helped the blonde finish her lasagna. Galinda sprinkled on the shredded cheese while Elphaba tore off a sizable piece of aluminum foil to wrap the food in.

"Hey, Fae! Look what I found!"

Elphaba turned around and saw Fiyero wearing a 'Kiss the Chief' apron. Galinda burst into fits of giggles while Elphaba just stood there, an amused expression on her face.

"Huh? Huh? What do you think?" Fiyero asked as he turned around, modeling the apron.

"I'm telling you right now, I'm not gonna do that every single time," Elphaba said, gesturing towards the apron.

"Aww! But, Fae…" Fiyero whined.

"Nope. Sorry," Elphaba smirked, walking right past Fiyero.

"Hey! You didn't kiss the chef!" Fiyero called after her.

"You're not a chef!" Elphaba called over her shoulder.

"Well, if I had an apron that said, 'Kiss the best boyfriend in the world', I'd wear that one!"

"Let me know when you find the 'best boyfriend in the world'!"

"ELPHABA!"

"I'm kidding, Yero," Elphaba smiled, returning with a dishrag in her hands. She stood on her toes and lightly kissed her boyfriend's nose. Fiyero smirked as he pulled her back, locking them in a passionate kiss. Elphaba made a muffled noise of surprise, but quickly relaxed into the kiss.

After a while, Galinda sighed and wedged her way between the couple. "Make room for Lurline."

"Hey! You're _not_ Lurline!" Fiyero pouted, frowning back at the blonde.

Galinda gave Fiyero a look and sighed. "We're in the kitchen."

"And?"

Elphaba playfully slapped Fiyero arm and laughed. "You're such a man!"

"You love it," Fiyero smirked, wiggling his eyebrow.

Elphaba sighed and rolled her eyes. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to," Fiyero said, pulling his girlfriend against his body.

"Lurline's getting squished in between you two!" Galinda interjected.

Elphaba and Fiyero slowly pulled apart and looked at the blonde.

"Happy now, Glin?" Fiyero asked, gesturing to the space in between him and Elphaba.

"Yes. Lurline has _a lot_ of room, now," Galinda smirked.

An hour later, the oven timer dinged. Fiyero beat Elphaba to the oven and took the cake out. "And it's not burnt. And neither is the kitchen."

"I can see that," Elphaba smiled, examining Fiyero's cake.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Fiyero asked, gesturing to his apron.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "I said I wasn't going to do it every single time."

"I know, but you said you would do it if I didn't burn the kitchen down, which I didn't, thank you very much."

"I never said that!"

"Oh? You didn't?"

"No! I said that I would tell you that I'm proud of you if you didn't burn the kitchen down."

"Oh. Well, you can do that now."

"I proud of you, Yero," Elphaba smiled.

"I know," Fiyero smirked wickedly before pulling Elphaba against him and capturing his lips in hers.

Elphaba's eyes widened for a brief moment, but she quickly melted into the kiss. She closed her eyes and made a noise of pleasure as the kiss was deepened.

"Lurline above," Galinda muttered, casting her gaze to the ceiling. "When you two are done sucking each other's face's off, you can come up for air."

The couple quickly pulled away at that. "S-Sorry, Glin," Fiyero whispered breathlessly.

"You know, when I gave you two my blessing to start dating each other, I didn't know it came with front row tickets to see you two kissing all the time," the petite blonde huffed, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest.

"Sorry, Glin," Elphaba whispered sheepishly, blushing furiously.

Galinda sighed and relaxed. "It's okay, Elphie." She slowly approached the two. "The cake looks good."

"We couldn't have done it without you, Fae," Fiyero smiled, looking at Elphaba, who blushed back at him as she wrapped up the cake and placed it in the refrigerator.

"If you two are going to try to eat each other's faces, get a room, or at least wait until I leave," Galinda advised and Fiyero pulled Elphaba against him.

"Will do," Fiyero said, escorting Elphaba out of the room.

"I didn't mean it literally!" Galinda called, not wanting to be left alone and hurrying after them. "Wait for me!"

"Thanks, again, Fae. For everything," Fiyero smiled.

"Of course, Yero," Elphaba smiled back.

"Did you at least have fun?"

"I had lots of fun."

"I did, too!" Galinda smiled, linking arms with Elphaba.

"Does that mean we're partners for the final exam?" Fiyero asked hopefully.

Elphaba laughed. "Of course, Yero. You, me and Galinda."

Galinda tossed her blonde curls over her shoulder. "And Lurline, of course."

Elphaba and Fiyero both rolled their eyes once more before chuckling. "And Lurline," they both agreed.


End file.
